Tuesday, March 1, 2011

HABS GM UNABLE TO TRADE SPACEK FOR CROSBY AND MALKIN

ATLANTA — Despite a series of phone calls to Pittsburgh Penguins GM Ray Shero on NHL trade deadline day, Habs GM Pierre Gauthier was unable to acquire the semi-talented forwards, Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin in exchange for mega-superstar Jaroslav Spacek.

"I truly don't understand Ray's position... This was a trade that could have benefited both teams," said a frustrated Gauthier to your debauched reporter disguised as a vegan hooker in the GM's limousine after the deadline had passed. Pierre confessed that he had even tried to sweeten the deal by offering forward Tom Pyatt for the "bag of pucks" that is Kris Letang.

"We would have gained sorely needed offense, while the Penguins would gain experience, lower their payroll, and give something back to their fans."

Gauthier also confirmed that that the Vancouver Canucks had pulled the plug on a potential Sedin Twins - for - Jacques Martin deal at the last second.