PREPARATION H (THE 'H' IS FOR 'HATE')

MONTREAL - With the All-Star break upon us, now is a good time to evaluate your Montreal Canadiens and how they have done up to the unofficial half-way point of the season. Are they good? Are the bad? Are they contenders? Or are they just pretenders? Do you like them? Or do you hate them?

So let us make that evaluation...

First, some of the individual players:

P.K. Subban - This kid is what the NHL is missing. Commissaire Bettman wants to promote the league, but he wants the players to be dull and drab too (you can't have it all, Betty). This kid has the flamboyance of an NFL wide receiver, a talented NBA All-Star, or that drunk guy on the bus who wears his underwear on the outside of his pants. But admit it... If this guy played for any other team, you would hate the SHIT out of him.

Scott Gomez - Hey, NHL! Gomez's move is to carry the puck into the zone by himself and stop short just after the blueline looking for someone to pass to. He never shoots either, so don't worry about blocking shooting lanes. Shhh... It's a secret... Or at least it must be since no one appears to have picked up on it despite the number of years he's been in the league.

Hal Gill - God forbid an opponent get's behind this guy on a break. My grandmother skates faster than this dude. She likely takes a harder shot too. And she probably makes better cupcakes. For shame, Gill. For SHAME!!!

Andrei Kostitsyn - Psst... The net is that way.

Tomas Plekanec - Honestly... The goatee and turtleneck thing? For some reason that reminds me: how is Stephane Richer doing these days?

Carey Price - You know he'd be so much better if he didn't listen to country music.

And the team:

Put simply: this is an exciting team to watch! They clog up the neutral zone, stifle speed, limit shots, grind in the corners, take little to no chances, get it deep, change lines, repeat. Oh wait, did I say exciting? Zzzzzz....

The powerplay is awesome! Except for when it's not. Because when it's not, good lord! Did you guys just learn to skate? Are you holding your sticks upside down? Is your helmet on backwards? The PP is great, or it's AWEFUL (and that does not mean "full of awe").

The penaltykill is awesome! Actually, it kind of is. Well, unless Plekanec is in the box.

I hear line changes are a bit of a problem. Can't be that bad though. This is a professional team, afterall. It's not like they'd take more than one or two penalties a year, right? What's that? ... NINE TIMES?!?

This team's 5-on-5 play is pretty good. Except for when it suddenly becomes 6-on-5 play. See above.

Don't you HATE that you LOVE these guys?

More updates as events warrant.