CANADIENS AVOID SPANKING, ARE HEROES AGAIN

ow did Michelangelo convey the plight of men and gods in the Sistine Chapel? How did Mozart put forth such passion whilst but flittering on ivory keys? How did Einstein display the poise and character necessary to present his Theory of Relativity? Very simply, these great men said to themselves “What would the Montreal Canadiens do?” and acted in consequence.
It at first seemed that the Beautiful Team’s initial Game 1 victory in Washington was enough to satisfy their ambition in these playoffs. They all agreed that winning one of the first two games on the road was of capital importance (do not pardon the pun; it was completely intentional). They accomplished that mission. Cheers all around. And then they stopped playing. Having just recently realized that, hey, wait a minute, this could be their last game of the season, your Utterly Fantastic Montreal Canadiens then came out and shut the Cappers down in their own building.
Habsbros decided to get some straight dope and sent your uncomfortable reporter to accost the is-he-or-isn’t-he captain on the matter in the bathroom cabinet of Transat Flight 302 Dulles-Dorval. He didn’t even flinch.
- What gives, Brian?
“We just came out and laid it all on the line.”
- Motivation?
“All of it, you know, if it was going to be our last game, we were gonna give it all we had and it’s with that mentality that I hope, you know, we can go forward that way for the next game.”
- And you avoided a spanking.
“No one wants a spanking on this team fersure. I’m not saying a guy or two here couldn’t use one (coughs) but nobody wants one, no. Fersure.”
- What was the main factor in your success during Game 5?
“Besides Halak, you mean?”
- Yeah.
“Definitely shooting the puck. We talked about in the room and, you know, guys sometimes don’t want to shoot the puck, but it’s when you shoot the puck that, you know, you create chances and bounces and things happen and you can get a goal out of it more often than not sometimes. So definitely to shoot the puck. We think we can have success with that for the next game too.”
- What was your reaction to the coach replacing your line-mate Benny Poolio with Travis Moen?
“Well, it was the coach’s decision and as a player, you just have to go along with it and keep doing your job. Obviously, Benny’s been struggling a bit lately and sometimes a shake-up is good for guys.
- What is it Benny needs right now?
“I’m not a specialist or a coach or anything so I couldn’t really answer that.”
- But you’ve got an idea.
“Yeah, I got an idea. But again, I’m no expert. Let’s move on.”
- How do you compete against guys who are all on the juice? Don’t you find that unfair?
“Well, that hasn’t been proven that, you know, they took anything. It was just…you know, proven that they lied about having it investigated. But as far as competing against a team that’s jacked up on steroids, to tell you the truth, we kinda enjoy the challenge. It’ll make beating them even more fun.”
- You’re the best, Brian, got everything I need, thanks a lot.
“My pleasure. I’m done too. Would you mind wiping? Don’t have much room with you in the way. Thanks. Yyyyyeah. Right there, yeah. Thanks.”
One way or the other, Habsbros always gets the scoop…blechh!
More updates once we wash our hands.