GAINEY MAKES FANS BELIEVE IN THE 'CH' AGAIN

MONTREAL - In the sixth - and likely final year - of his five-year plan, Bob Gainey has successfully pulled off what no other GM has been able to do for decades... He has made fans believe in the famous Montreal Canadiens crest.

This incredible task was achieved by what turned out to be the simplest of methods; get rid of every player on the roster that was every worth cheering for.

By removing the concept of individual greatness and character from the lineup, fans can no longer get behind any one man and chant his name. There is no one left to bitch and moan about on blogs and in the media. (Well, except for the Priceberg, but really, who watches hockey for the goaltending?)

Koivu, the ultimate champion at heart. He beat cancer. He beat the media. He beat my mother (and that's all I can say until after the hearing). His roots deep in the community. His heart on a pedestal. Gone...

Kovalev, the moody but extremely talented winger. Loved by fans whom he loved in return. A constant joy to watch. Gone...

Tangauy, Lang, Schnieder, Higgins. Gone, all.

So who's left? Markov? Have you ever heard him speak? Hamrlik? Please. Plekanec? He's only here because he has no choice. The Kostitsyn brothers? Well, if they're high they're okay. And rumour has it that's fairly often.

Latendress? Lapierre? Two years ago the only reason we cheered for them was because they were French and cracking the lineup. But they were second fiddle to the likes of Koivu and Kovelev.

Gomez? Gionta? The dude from Calgary who's name I'm still learning to spell? Spacec? Hill? Yeah... When I think Habs, I picture these guys.

So really, there's no one. We'll cling to someone by default, but in our hearts we'll know there is no one to cheer for. So all that is left is the logo. And that was likely Gainey's plan all along.

And then he'll leave.

Thanks Bob.