THINGS WE LEARNED DURING THE LOSING STREAK

MONTREAL - During the 3-game losing streak that saw our beloved Canadiens falter, some of us learned some valuable lessons. The things we learned helped us to cope with the heart-wrenching debacles that were supposedly NHL games. At this point I would like to share with you those lessons so that you may also cope come the next inevitable losing skid:

When the Bell-tower strikes midnight, go to the nearest speakeasy as it can only mean one thing... It's the witching hour and it's time to get your drink on. There is no dilemma a spirited hootenanny will not address.

To distract yourself, steal your mother's corset and don the stolen undergarment.
If it fits a little TOO comfortably, take it off immediately.

Start a fight with some bikers simply for the sake of an old fashioned gang-style brawl. Don't count on your friend Barry, though, he'll probably get out of the way cause it'll look like shit's about to go down pretty hard and heavy. Stupid Barry...

Not really related, though it is distracting: do not, I repeat, DO NOT let your friend Barry show you his collection of gay pornography. That DID NOT just happen...